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I feel like the TWSS ladies are all sorts of fiery this week, but I can?t help chime in on Moseph?s thoughts about serial monogamy. It?s weird because I?ve had a blank word document opened on my desktop for a couple weeks now containing the lone sentence: serial monogamists are sketchy. I didn?t get much further than that, but thanks to Mo and a 3-day recovery period between myself and Saturday?s bar crawl, my brain?s working again and I?m ready to revisit.
We all know those people, whether they be distant Facebook acquaintances or our close friends, whose relationships are really just a series of interchangeable faces. They go on the same dates, the same generic cruise vacations to the Carribbean.. it?s just a different boyfriend or girlfriend depending on the year. I?ve always looked at this breed and wondered how monogamy can mean anything to them when it?s such a constant in their lives. Doesn?t it just feel ..empty?
I?ve only had two real relationships and they?re both so damn important to me for that reason: there haven?t been that many. It?s never been about ?having someone.? It?s been about finding particular people I?m so crazy about, I want to be with them. It?s not that I?m picky, I simply can?t fathom being with someone just for the sake of being with someone. People get so freaked out at the thought of being alone that they?ll settle for any old lackluster affair just to fill a void. Monogamy becomes a security blanket. What a terrifying way to live.. that?s how people wind up middle-aged and resentful.
It also weirds me out when we draw the clear distinction between ?sewing our wild oats? and being ?ready to settle down.? We?re typically expected to make this transition as our late 20s roll around and it?s treated like a light-switch. Bam, I?ve turned my corner, now let me survey my immediate surroundings to find a suitable person. It?s like relationship readiness becomes a mindset and once you?re in a place where you?re finally looking to commit, any old person will do. Say what, now? Like EB also mentioned this week, why is anyone ?looking? in the first place? What happened to doin? your own thang and settling down if and ONLY if you?re lucky enough to cross paths with someone who?s so fucking amazing, you just can?t not be with them?
I don?t think this is idealistic reasoning. I just suppose there are a lot of people out there nowadays without the ballsack to hold out for something really worthwhile, filling their days in the meantime with halfhearted relationships that simply give ?em a warm body without any of the chemistry that sustains relationships in the long-term.
Maybe I?m just cut from a different cloth, but my eyes aren?t on the monogamy prize like a lot of other people. I guess it?s OK to?want it, but to need it? Yikes.?Things get real dicey when you?ve got heart-shaped tunnel vision. There?s something to be said for defining yourself without the crutch of a relationship. And if you happen to find someone who just does it for you and the timing is also right? Well isn?t that just really awesome.
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betty@twssboston.com
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